No one enters into a relationship knowing that it’s going to end up being complicated or difficult. But, as the old cliché goes—life happens! It’s important to know though, that you don’t have to give up on months or even years of work you’ve invested in a marriage or partnership.
It’s becoming more common for individuals and even couples to work with professionals like a psychologist Byron Bay practitioners often recommend. Sometimes all it takes is a small amount of guidance and support to get a relationship back on track. And luckily, there are many methods and techniques that bring about success stories.
What Exactly is the Gottman Method?
If you’ve been looking into the therapy process, perhaps to get an idea of what to expect, you’ve more than likely stumbled across the Gottman method. What is this type of therapy and why should you consider it?
Essentially, the Gottman method was specifically created to assist couples using the Sound Relationship House Theory. This theory states that couples should regard their relationship as a house with seven floors and two walls.
These seven floors and two walls form the basis of this popular therapy concept. Couples who want to have a successful relationship that’s based on communication and growth should work together to “build their house.”
To build your house (or your relationship, if you prefer), you need to focus on the following components:
- Building love maps
- Sharing fondness and admiration
- Turning towards each other
- Creating a positive perspective
- Managing conflict
- Making life dreams come true
- Creating shared meaning
- Trust (Wall 1)
- Commitment (Wall 2)
The Techniques That Make up The Gottman Therapy Model
Many people believe that the Gottman model works because it focuses on couples working together to build on their relationship rather than blame each other for current challenges. Here’s how it works.
1. Build Love Maps
Love maps are the first floor of the relationship house and form a crucial foundation. Working with the therapist or psychologist, the couple focuses on learning more about each other.
2. Share Fondness and Admiration
When relationships experience a few issues, it becomes very easy to find fault with just about everything your partner does. The second floor focuses on the good things about each other. By reminding you of the aspects you admire about your partner, it becomes easier to move away from resentment and back to admiration.
3. Turn Towards Each Other
Level three encourages couples to turn back toward each other rather than turning away. To achieve this, focus on sharing constructive conversation and expressing interest in their opinions.
These moments of focusing on creating positive moments are equal to putting a deposit into your relationship’s emotional bank account. During difficult times, you and your partner can lean on these “emotional savings” to provide you with the strength to pull you through.
4. Create Positive Perspective
Maintaining a positive perspective is difficult in the best of times. It can become virtually impossible when you’re only tuned into the negatives that your partner is committing.
Level four encourages you to focus on a positive perspective in all your interactions with your partner. Rather than looking for reasons to be angry or irritated, focus on reasons to be kind and forgiving.
5. Manage Conflict
Conflict is a common side effect of a strained relationship. Traditional therapy might teach you to focus on solving conflict. Level five teaches you to rather walk away from the conflict until cooler heads prevail. Partners are encouraged to avoid criticism, blame and negativity.
6. Making Life Dreams Come True
It’s crucial to identify and acknowledge each other’s dreams and ambitions. Level six encourages each partner to share dreams in a safe space without judgement from the other person. The challenge is then to help the other person achieve their dreams.
7. Creating Shared Meaning
In level seven of your relationship house, you need to focus on what makes you work as a couple. Focus on highlighting the aspects that you have in common as well as the features that attracted you to each other in the first place.
8. Trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. Fortunately, Gottman’s first wall helps couples rekindle the trust they had with each other during the best times of their relationship. This involves being less judgmental and giving your partner room to be themselves.
9. Commitment
It takes a considerable amount of commitment and hard work to make a relationship work. It’s one of the reasons couples opt for the relationship counselling Byron Bay therapists offer.
The second wall of Gottman teaches both partners to focus on being more committed to the relationship. All it takes is for both parties to be interested and focused on creating a stronger, functional relationship.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve decided that a few therapy sessions will benefit your relationship, it’s an excellent idea to consider the Gottman Method. Both you and your partner will benefit from the experience!